Saturday, January 26, 2008.
This day would be the most difficult thus far. The funeral was planned for the afternoon, and how in the world do you 'plan' for your wife's funeral. What does preparation look like? What does it entail? What emotions are to be expected? And on top of that, in my orchestrating the funeral itself, I had given myself quite an immense responsibility.
I awoke at 4 a.m. having slept six uninterrupted hours. I grabbed a scratch piece of paper and began to jot down a few things. Christ, in His Word, was oh, so precious. He was so Kind. So Filling. So...Enough. I still lacked the confidence and ultimately faith in Him to do what I felt like would be most pleasing to Him during the service. Nonetheless, I ventured on. Hoping. Praying. Soliciting pray-ers.
From my perspective, there is very little I would have changed, if anything at all. It is so comforting to me, that God was/is so interested in His own renown that He held me up, keeping me from being a distraction from Him. What kindness He showed to me that day, and each day since.
With this type of kindness being experienced rather than just mentally agreed upon, there comes a real thief into the situation. In order for that thief not to rob God of His honor, humility before Him consistently is of utmost importance for me. For His honor, but also for my sustenance, to not lean on my own understanding or 'strength', is an absolute must for me during these days.
On Sunday, a good friend, rode with me to my church in New Albany, MS. Psalm 116 was expounded upon at a greater length than on Saturday afternoon. The prayer time, sermon, and the singing of hymns were all so wonderful for my soul, and I trust for all others who were present.
Monday, January 28, I turned 31. Seems old to me really. But still too young for these circumstances to be a reality. It was a good day. Ellie played her guitar and sang Happy Birthday to me probably a dozen times. She made me a chess pie, with a little help of course, and gave me the gift that Amber had ordered for my birthday.
That evening I had the opportunity to spend time with three great friends. The conversation was helpful. The laughing was beneficial. Their friendship is invaluable.
And Tuesday catches us up to the 7 day mark.
The heaviness of heart is understandable.
The sufficiency of Jesus...inexplicable!
Pray with me that the sufficiency of Jesus would dominate all other feelings, emotions, and experiences.
